So I've been hearing a lot about so-called "five year plans." My Aunt told me I should create one when I graduated college. I love my Aunt, but this is the same woman who has kept a diary since she was 10, has kept every piece of paperwork, receipt, tax information, etc since 1980 and can tell you what she was wearing on a given day at any point of the past 5 years (at least.) Obviously someone who enjoys making lists and plans and scheduling. I have never thought of myself this way. I habitually quit every hobby I ever started from karate to photography mostly because I can't stand to be scheduled. I am the kind of person who may skip out on some event I had planned to attend because, at the last moment I sat down on the couch and saw that "The Craft" was on television yet again and felt compelled to watch (yet again) and lost track of an entire two hours. Now don't get me wrong, I rarely skipped class and I never miss a shift at work but after that my priorities get a little hazy. Maybe I was over-scheduled as a child, hell even as a young adult. My college schedule was pretty brutal; a full course load, a scholarship that required 10 hours a week of community service, a part-time job and a serious relationship. Even then I could find the time to get lost in a book for hours or occasionally clear my schedule for the entire day in order to sit on the couch in my pjs with my roommate and watch a marathon of "America's Next Top Model" (after which neither of us could stand to look in a mirror for nearly a week.)
This being the year of my 25th birthday I've been reconsidering some things about myself and my life. Aside from the disaster that is my finances and toll that has taken on my ability to travel and eat out (among other things), certain things that I always thought were essential to my personality are coming into question. I always wanted to think of myself as a free-spirit, a traveler, a lover of the finer things in life, a bohemian scholar with a pinch of the dilettante thrown in for good measure and now without the ability to do those things that are essential to such a lifestyle and no longer being school, my "unscheduled" ways are starting to look a little more like just being plain messy and lazy. I work hard, there is no question of that, and certainly standing on ones feet over a hot oven all day does not make one the most active one could be after work, but surely I should be doing something with my free time other than drinking Miller Hi-Life on the porch with my neighbors or spending 6 hours a stretch on YouTube?
I have a job I love, but no plans concerning how that job will ever become more than "just a job." I have a man I love, but no plans concerning how or where our futures will take us. I love this city but I don't know if it will provide what I need in the future. I like my apartment but I long for a yard. So many things I want and no plans to achieve them. Maybe at least if I made a plan, I would spend my free time working on aspects of it and then should it all still go awry I can say "at least I tried." What's the quote about the best laid plans of mice and men?
The other side of my fights this plan making tooth and nail. I do truly have no desire to be the kind of person that gets up at the same time every day and goes to bed at the same time every night regardless of what they are doing, where they are or who they are with. I don't want to be the kind of couple that has "Tuesday date nights" or scheduled sex. I don't want to be so focused on my plan that I miss out on other opportunities along the way....but mostly I don't want to be disappointed. If you never make a plan, you can always fake any outcome. No matter what happens you can say you planned it that way, or that it doesn't matter or make some beatnik remark about going where the wind blows but if you plan it, if you write it down, if you type it out, show it to someone, and then fail, then you failed, you can't hid it from yourself or anyone else. Aside from that, how can you plan for who you will be in five years? Five years ago I thought I'd be working on a phd program right now, and two years before that I thought I'd be a high school english teacher by now, married and maybe with a child. I don't know what I want to do tomorrow night, how the hell do I know what I want to do in five years?
I'm not sure how it'll turn out but I might give it a shot. If nothing else, maybe I can map out some basics, fill in a few blank spots on the map. It doesn't help that any website I can find offering advice assumes that everyone works in some sort of nameless office. Tips such as "work with colleagues as a leader on a project that will be seen by upper management" don't really work in my career. I suppose if you are a chef, or a business owner you could make financial plans, or plans for expanding your name recognition, or branding your products; but how exactly is a lowly cook supposed to make a plan out of "cook the best you can, every plate, every shift, and hope someone notices, or you win the lottery?"
I'll let you know how it goes. Feel free to leave advice if any of you out there are "planners."
